TAB Humor

[TransAmBison]

Goon, Nidaros, and NoVaJack are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. Goon says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to piss."

Nidaros says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

NoVaJack says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I drop a load like a cow."

"So what's your problem?" asked Goon and Nidaros.
"I don't wake up until nine."

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell you, I just **** my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have **** my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help.

Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders.
The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, the wife said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem-- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"

[SDSUAlum08]

Re: TAB Humor

TAB walks into a Rutland, ND bar with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male bison with the other.
He says to the waiter, ‘Get me a Busch Light.’
The waiter says, ‘Sure, coming right up.’ He gets TAB a tall mug of Busch.
TAB drinks the beer down in one gulp, turns and blasts the bison with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning TAB returns…….
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male Bison with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, ‘Get me a Busch Light.’
The waiter says ‘Whoa!! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday and what was that all about, anyway?’
TAB smiles and proudly says, ‘Training for position in NDSU athletic department…. Come in, drink beer, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.’

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

NorCalJack was in Egypt taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
NorCalJack was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his SDSU buddies and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the NorCalJack said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time."
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"

[RabbitObsessed]

Re: TAB Humor

Didn't want to clutter up the hit-man thread. But when I started reading your scam baiting it reminded me of this: http://www.dontevenreply.com/

Not quite the same thing since this guy just messes with normal people, but it's still pretty funny.

Oh and just a warning, the language can be NSFW.

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

Didn't want to clutter up the hit-man thread. But when I started reading your scam baiting it reminded me of this: http://www.dontevenreply.com/

Not quite the same thing since this guy just messes with normal people, but it's still pretty funny.

Oh and just a warning, the language can be NSFW.

I read the book about 6 months ago or so. I thought it was pretty funny when he tried to sell/give away a junked Explorer or something like that. Good stuff. I think I'd feel guilty picking on people for just being stupid. At least the scammers are trying to steal money in addition to the stupidity.

By the way, no worries about cluttering up the scambaiting thread...I enjoy the comments.

[NoVaJack]

Re: TAB Humor

Q: How many TransAm Bisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A; Doesn't matter. No electricity in North Dakota.

Q: How many TransAm Bisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the actual screwing, the other is too busy humoring himself arguing with Nigerian money scammers.

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

Q: How many TransAm Bisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A; Doesn't matter. No electricity in North Dakota.

Q: How many TransAm Bisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the actual screwing, the other is too busy humoring himself arguing with Nigerian money scammers.

Electricity is just a fad. No need for it anyway.

Good stuff. Oh yeah, I am amusing myself (along with everyone else) with the scambaits. Admit it NoVaJack...you are interested. Is it so bad that a Bison fan is on here with something fun to offer?

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

NoVaJack and SUPERBUNNY are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
NoVaJack turns to SUPERBUNNY and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."
SUPERBUNNY thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, NoVaJack goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" NoVaJack says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, NoVaJack shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet SUPERBUNNY at the bar.
He tells SUPERBUNNY about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" SUPERBUNNY says, "What's that?" NoVaJack says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a queer."

[Nidaros]

Re: TAB Humor

Funny.

[SDSUAlum08]

Re: TAB Humor

Little TAB goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little TAB waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little TAB, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little TAB says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little TAB says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

[NoVaJack]

Re: TAB Humor

Great joke, TAB, except that your "tired of going through life without an education" premise is demonstrably flawed.

1. I graduated from SDSU.
B. You attended NDSU.
and, therefore, III. Only one of us is going through life without an education and of course we all know who that is.

[TransAmBison]

Re: TAB Humor

Great joke, TAB, except that your "tired of going through life without an education" premise is demonstrably flawed.

1. I graduated from SDSU.
B. You attended NDSU.
and, therefore, III. Only one of us is going through life without an education and of course we all know who that is.

That's some good stuff right there.

As for your first point, I am sorry...you can pick up one of those diplomas at any novelty store. You'll have to do better than that.

[rabidrabbit]

Re: TAB Humor

That's some good stuff right there.

As for your first point, I am sorry...you can pick up one of those diplomas at any novelty store. You'll have to do better than that.

Naw, this ain't no stinkin' U of Phoenix!