Jokes!!!

[Walrus]

Re: Jokes!!!

Wait a minute here, based on what you said earlier how can you laugh at Walrus joke? Seems to me that joke is offensive to Christians. Get a life

I'm not sure how to respond or even if I should. I am a Christian and on some levels a rather militant one, I suppose. I'm not sure if boxerboy is really an offended Christian or just taking a poke at Nidaros. I don't think the joke is particularly offensive. I suppose the panties in the pocket implies a possibility of illicit behavior. Perhaps we could change the "ladies panties" to "ladies pink mittens" and retain the essence of the story.

Of course, the idea of St Peter sitting at the Gates of Heaven allowing souls to enter based on the whim of the day is not theologically sound.
Many jokes, however, depend upon an absurd premise. In fact many jokes depend upon this particular absurd premise.

For example, (this one will offend the athiests, but I'm not pc enough to care)

A man dies and meets St Peter at the Pearly Gates. St Peter says "ok, here's how it works. You need 100 points to get in. You tell me the good things you've done and I assign a point value to each one. If you get 100 points you're in."

The guy figures this is easy. He says "I was married to the same woman for more than 50 years and never cheated once, not even in my heart."

St Peter says, "That's pretty good - 3 points"

The guy says, "Only 3. How about this? I attended church all my life and supported it with my tithe and service."

St Peter says "That gets you a point"

"One? I started a soup kitchen in my town and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans"

"Terrific, that's good for 2 points"

Now totally exasperated, the guy shouts, "2 points! At this rate the only way I'll ever get into heaven is by the grace of God."

"Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!

[Nidaros]

Re: Jokes!!!

I'm not sure a forum regarding South Dakota State University was ever meant to take on this direction. Especially not under a topic labeled "Jokes!!!". Where is Catchem when you need him?

Your right. Have a nice day.

[JackJD]

Re: Jokes!!!

I think a big part of the risk in telling many jokes, notably those picking on groups, is that the humor depends on the listener believing that there is a kernel of "truth" built into the joke. For example, assume one of you has a daughter who is 10 years old, the apple of your eye, a brilliant child who is destined to earn a doctorate and finds the cure for a terrible disease. Assume further your daughter is very blonde.

Now, want to hear another blonde joke?

Given sufficient time, I am confident I can find out something about a person and weave it into a joke which is very insulting to that person and yet makes everyone within earshot roar with laughter. When the person who is the target registers an objection, I shoot back: What's the matter? Can't take a joke? I can laugh at myself...heck I tell jokes on lawyers all the time. Irish lawyers, like me...hah, hah, hah...Know why God invented whiskey? To keep the Irish from taking over the world....

I took a different view of lawyer jokes when my son became a lawyer. Now, I prefer you not tell me lawyer jokes because I don't like it when you portray my son in a bad light. You can do all you want to me but don't go after my kid.

Every so often I have a client give me a book of lawyer jokes. Two of those books are on my desk in my office. Yes, I've retold a few. But, think about it...lawyer jokes make people laugh because they depend on portraying lawyers in a negative light and, after all, don't we know those things are true about lawyers?

Actually, I don't get too bent out of shape on these things but I understand why some may object. I respect that objection. What business do I have making fun of someone of a particular heritage? [I have a copy of the often-seen picture from the 1860s...a store window with the sign "Help Wanted -- No Irish Need Apply". I'm about 75% Irish. Most of my ancestors came over, many died, on the boats from 1848-1852. Few immigrant groups had as much trouble as the Irish when they first came to America.]

When nearly all of us reading and contributing to this Message Board share a common love of SDSU, should we focus on our similarities and common goals or should we spend time talking about our differences?

That's my two-cents worth.

[Nidaros]

Re: Jokes!!!

Or just delete the arguing and keep only the jokes...

Okay to make everyone happy I will do exactly that. All of my posts in this have been deleted. I can not edit where I been quoted. So that I have no control over.

Re: Jokes!!!

5 minute management course

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

[Jack4Life]

Re: Jokes!!!

I've got a fever and the only presciption is more jokes, baby!

[filbert]

Re: Jokes!!!

I'm not sure a forum regarding South Dakota State University was ever meant to take on this direction. Especially not under a topic labeled "Jokes!!!". Where is Catchem when you need him?

Hmm . . . start a thread dedicated to telling jokes . . . end up discussing 19th Century U.S. immigration policy . . .

That's pretty gosh-darned funny to me . . .

Re: Jokes!!!

Or just delete the arguing and keep only the jokes...

[jackmd]

Re: Jokes!!!

I'm not sure a forum regarding South Dakota State University was ever meant to take on this direction. Especially not under a topic labeled "Jokes!!!". Where is Catchem when you need him?

[boxerboy]

Re: Jokes!!!

BTW I am not an attorney and I dont get the joke. I am serious. Does it have something to do with chasing an ambulance? If so then I guess I get it. . Yeah its funny.

I'm not sure if you're serious or not but the point of the joke is that one would try to avoid a skunk on the road where as an attorney we would proceed to run right over.
Nidaros,
The only real offense I took with your major argument was referring to those immigrants (who would only speak English) as a$$ holes. When my great grandfather and grandfather immigrated they felt the most important thing they could do as Americans is to learn the English language in order to become a part of society here. By continuing to speak their native tongue it only delayed and hindered them and especially the children, from learning and speaking English properly. Hence their home shortly after immigrating through Ellis Island in the late 19th century was English only and the native tongue forbidden.

[Nidaros]

Re: Jokes!!!

Check the title of this thread - it's called "Jokes!!!". Ole and Lena jokes are funny. Don't read the thread if you don't like jokes. Get over yourself.

Attorney joke time:

What's the difference between a dead attorney in the road and a dead skunk in the road? There's skidmarks in front of the skunk.

(by the way, I'm an attorney. This joke doesn't offend me)

BTW I am not an attorney and I dont get the joke. I am serious. Does it have something to do with chasing an ambulance? If so then I guess I get it. . Yeah its funny.

[Nidaros]

Re: Jokes!!!

Hey Nidaros, I got the joke and I didn't need your help. Perhaps you may need the help. The part of the Walrus joke that christians may find objectioable has nothing to do with Carol's panties. In the future I will make sure to clear all my jokes through you as you seem to be the arbiter of good taste.

Now why would you need to do that? LOL Sense of humor? I think I just got the goat of a boxer boy. Thats okay I am laughing. You are free to tell any joke you like.

[Jack4Life]

Re: Jokes!!!

I did a lot of research to find a group of tribal people that are no longer inexistence so that there is no way to offend anyone!

There was a small group of clansmen in Southern Europe called the Hittites. Their entire village was killed a few hundred years ago during probably the worst winter in charted history.

Anyway, they were great storytellers and loved jokes. So, here it goes!

This is a story about two Hittites named Ole and Sven.......



These are jokes folks! HA, HA, HA!!! If you can't help but be offended than avoid the thread or have thicker skin!

Can I get an Amen from the Jackrabbit Nation!?!?!?! Wait is that offensive?SUPERBUNNY

AMEN! That on was so good I even read it to my wife who thinks I spend way too much time here!

[SUPERBUNNY]

Re: Jokes!!!

Maybe a shot of cleavage will take everyone's mind off of the offensive jokes!

http://bp2.blogger.com/_LMT_QGqV3is/...h/cleavage.jpg

Now that is funny, I don't care where you are from!

SUPERBUNNY

[SUPERBUNNY]

Re: Jokes!!!

I did a lot of research to find a group of tribal people that are no longer inexistence so that there is no way to offend anyone!

There was a small group of clansmen in Southern Europe called the Hittites. Their entire village was killed a few hundred years ago during probably the worst winter in charted history.

Anyway, they were great storytellers and loved jokes. So, here it goes!

This is a story about two Hittites named Ole and Sven.......



These are jokes folks! HA, HA, HA!!! If you can't help but be offended than avoid the thread or have thicker skin!

Can I get an Amen from the Jackrabbit Nation!?!?!?! Wait is that offensive?

SUPERBUNNY