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  • These are great

    What's the difference between a porcupine and the Dakota Dome? A porcupine has 10,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.
    Did you hear about the USD student that died while getting a drink of water? The commode lid fell on his head.

    What the difference between Jim Heinitz and a puppy? Eventually, the puppy stops whining

    Why don't Augie students use 911 in an emergency? They can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

    Two USD fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird!" The other one looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"

    What do Augie and 7-Up have in common? Never had it, never will.

    Why was the USD football team late for last week's game? Because every time they passed a sign for "Clean Restrooms," they actually did.

    Why did John Austin have his quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers all working in a bakery this summer? He wanted them to get used to turnovers.

    Why do USD graduates hang their degrees on their rearview mirrors? So they can park in handicapped spaces.

    Two Augie fans are walking along a railroad track. One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!" The other says, "It's not the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

    Did you hear about the skeleton they recently found in an old building at USD? It was the 1898 "Hide and Seek" champion.

    How many Northern students does it take to make popcorn? Eleven-one to hold the pan and ten to shake the stove.

    What do sperm and the drive for an Augie national title have in common?
    They both have about a one-in-a-billion chance of succeeding.

    How can you tell when a USD graduate has sent you a fax?
    There's a stamp on it.

    What do a tornado and a USD cheerleader have in common?
    Both eventually end up in a trailer park.

    How is the USD football team like a possum?
    They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

    Did you hear the Northern football player's favorite movie at the drive-in?
    "Closed for the Winter."

    Did you hear that Dave Boots dressed only 5 players for last weekend's games?
    Yeah ... apparently, the rest were able to dress themselves.

    What's the difference between a Vermillion divorce and a tornado?
    I don't know, but someone's gonna lose a trailer.

    What do an Augie national championship team and Superman have in common?
    Neither of them exist.

    Do you know what USD coaches tell new recruits?
    "We'll get you a good lawyer."

    Why don't secretaries at USD get coffee breaks?
    It costs too much to retrain them.

    Why do fans of the Oklahoma State Cowboys wear orange and white?
    They can wear it to the game on Saturday.
    They can wear it when they go hunting on Sunday.
    And they can wear it to work on Monday when they're picking up garbage along the side of the road.

    What is the difference between an Augie fan and childbirth?
    One can be terribly slow, painful and unbearable, while the other is simply having a baby.

    Why did USD have to close down its football website?
    They had trouble stringing three w's together.

    What do you call an intelligent person in Vermillion?
    Lost.

    USD recently hired a Chinese offensive coordinator.
    Win One Soon.

    Did you hear about the Northern fan that locked his keys in his car?
    He couldn't get his family out.


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